70,000 views & still going strong!
My thanks to my friend & Gospel Ministry collaborator Cory for this great, convicting little article we share with you in honor of my theology blogs 70,000th view.
“I’ve been trying everything that I can think of to make him want me more than pornography.”
This statement is one that many pastors probably know all too well. It comes from the heart of a woman who has been slowly broken-down through many years of her husband’s use of pornography. The wife who has beat herself up far too many times, thinking that somehow, it might be possible that her husband’s desire for pornography can somehow be traced back to a problem with her. Whether that problem is in the Marriage bedroom or whether it is something such as looks. Every woman that I’ve ever spoken with concerning this issue, with the exception of one has always come back to a statement very similar to this. There is always some development that happens which causes her to believe that maybe she is just not enough for her husband.
The truth of the issue though is that there is a hint of truth to the statement. There will never come a time when you will be enough for your husband, at least not in this respect. You see, while your focus is on issues such as what you could do or how you could adjust your beauty to meet his need, the reality is that you will never be able to. Your beauty and actions, no matter how grand they may be will always fail to measure up to the enticement of sin in your husband’s (secret thought) life. Sin creates a form of a false persona or a wondrous mirage if you will. No matter how stunning you may be, you will never be able to compete with the allurement of sin! The reason for this is because the issue is not with how your husband sees you. The issue is how your husband looks at King Jesus.
In order for this whole issue with your husband to subside, what your husband must do is to begin to see the beauty of Christ instead of the false beauty of sin. While there is much that you are able to help him with, coming down on yourself will in no way help him free the chains which have enslaved him. Yet don’t allow yourself to be beat up by this. His struggle or lack thereof is not about you. It is instead about him finding a way to find victory. Victory which may or may not be in this life.
Instead of focusing on the ways which you can change yourself to help him, begin by setting aside time out of your day to pray for your husband. Even if it is only five minutes, pray for him daily! Pray for the Lord to show you other ways which you can help him find victory. But please, please pray for him. The Lord is the only one with the power to help him finally be free of this sin and because of this, the greatest way which you can help is to pray for him!
My thanks to my friend & Gospel Ministry collaborator Cory for this great, convicting little article we share with you in honor of my theology blogs 70,000th view.
“I’ve been trying everything that I can think of to make him want me more than pornography.”
This statement is one that many pastors probably know all too well. It comes from the heart of a woman who has been slowly broken-down through many years of her husband’s use of pornography. The wife who has beat herself up far too many times, thinking that somehow, it might be possible that her husband’s desire for pornography can somehow be traced back to a problem with her. Whether that problem is in the Marriage bedroom or whether it is something such as looks. Every woman that I’ve ever spoken with concerning this issue, with the exception of one has always come back to a statement very similar to this. There is always some development that happens which causes her to believe that maybe she is just not enough for her husband.
The truth of the issue though is that there is a hint of truth to the statement. There will never come a time when you will be enough for your husband, at least not in this respect. You see, while your focus is on issues such as what you could do or how you could adjust your beauty to meet his need, the reality is that you will never be able to. Your beauty and actions, no matter how grand they may be will always fail to measure up to the enticement of sin in your husband’s (secret thought) life. Sin creates a form of a false persona or a wondrous mirage if you will. No matter how stunning you may be, you will never be able to compete with the allurement of sin! The reason for this is because the issue is not with how your husband sees you. The issue is how your husband looks at King Jesus.
In order for this whole issue with your husband to subside, what your husband must do is to begin to see the beauty of Christ instead of the false beauty of sin. While there is much that you are able to help him with, coming down on yourself will in no way help him free the chains which have enslaved him. Yet don’t allow yourself to be beat up by this. His struggle or lack thereof is not about you. It is instead about him finding a way to find victory. Victory which may or may not be in this life.
Instead of focusing on the ways which you can change yourself to help him, begin by setting aside time out of your day to pray for your husband. Even if it is only five minutes, pray for him daily! Pray for the Lord to show you other ways which you can help him find victory. But please, please pray for him. The Lord is the only one with the power to help him finally be free of this sin and because of this, the greatest way which you can help is to pray for him!
Sit down with your elders together and be completely open. Their call in this life is to
shepherd you both toward King Jesus and trust me, they love to fulfill their calling. Your elders
will probably begin a process of removing stumbling blocks from his path by something like
protective software on his electronic devices. Make sure you let them do so. This may mean that
you have to have the very same software installed on your phone as well. Yet, if this brought him
victory in killing this sin in his life, the “invasion of privacy” would be completely worth it.
Trust in the care of your Elders and their desire to shepherd your family. Trust them enough to
be completely honest, so much so that you are able to lay it all out on the table. Yet not only will
this openness be necessary with your elders, it will need to be the same way with your husband.
Be upfront with your husband. Internally he knows how his use of pornography impacts you. He has more than likely watched you weep over his sin. Remind him that just because his sin is different from yours on the outside, they both boil down to sin. You both are sinners in need of a Savior like the rest of mankind. Speak to him concerning the consequences of sin. Remind him of the beauty of the Redeemer who, upon Calvary took the wrath of God over sin for all who would repent and call upon His name. Remind him that this means both past, present and future. Remind him that the Lord knew that he and you were going to be messy before He redeemed you and by His grace, He loved you both in spite of all of that.
Lastly, throughout all of this turmoil, you will need to constantly remind yourself of the first point. His sin in using pornography is not about you. It’s not about you because you can never compete with the false beauty of sin. Instead, his struggle with sin has everything to do with how he sees his Redeemer.
--Cory Matlock
Be upfront with your husband. Internally he knows how his use of pornography impacts you. He has more than likely watched you weep over his sin. Remind him that just because his sin is different from yours on the outside, they both boil down to sin. You both are sinners in need of a Savior like the rest of mankind. Speak to him concerning the consequences of sin. Remind him of the beauty of the Redeemer who, upon Calvary took the wrath of God over sin for all who would repent and call upon His name. Remind him that this means both past, present and future. Remind him that the Lord knew that he and you were going to be messy before He redeemed you and by His grace, He loved you both in spite of all of that.
Lastly, throughout all of this turmoil, you will need to constantly remind yourself of the first point. His sin in using pornography is not about you. It’s not about you because you can never compete with the false beauty of sin. Instead, his struggle with sin has everything to do with how he sees his Redeemer.
--Cory Matlock
