The Steven Furtick Bible - God forbid!

Excerpts from the Furtick Audaciously Revised Translation of the Bible?

I can neither confirm nor rule out the rumors that Steven Furtick is working on his own version of the Bible. The inability to get definitive answers is, after all, part of the elusive nature of rumors. That being said, I've come to be in possession of what may or may not be excerpts of Biblical passages from the forthcoming, Furtick Audaciously Revised Translation of the Bible.
I've reproduced the excerpts below.
Matthew 5:20 - “For I tell you, unless your audacity exceeds that of the bloggers and haters, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 7:21 - “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one whose audacity changed the world”
Matthew 7:22–23 - “On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not burn our plows in your name, and dig ditches in your name, and pray for the sun to stand still?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘That wasn't nearly audacious enough; depart from me, you workers of mediocrity.”
Luke 17:6 - “And the Jesus said, “If you had audacity like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to the sun, 'stand still,' and it would obey you.”
Luke 18:9–14 - “Jesus also told this parable to some bloggers who trusted in sound doctrine, and hated on those who were making a difference in the world: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a blogger and the other a vision casting leader. The Blogger, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you for your Holy and inerrant word and that you've saved me, a sinner, by your grace through the shed blood of your beloved Son. Please, in your mercy send faithful servants into your harvest field who rightly handle your word and faithfully proclaim repentance and the forgiveness of sins in your name to all nations. Men who will both feed your sheep and protect them from the ravenous wolves who twist your word and pervert the gospel.’ But the vision casting leader, looked in his handy dandy pocket mirror and declared how wonderful he was and showered himself with affirmations of his own greatness. Jesus then said, "I tell you, this man, the vision casting leader, went down to his house inspired to audaciously make a difference in the world, rather than the other. For everyone who humbles himself will be irrelevant, but the one who exalts himself will be exalted even more."”
John 21:15–17 - “When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tell those whiny sheep who always complain that the sermon isn't deep enough to grow up and feed themselves.” He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Beat my sheep and tell them that church isn't for them its for the goats.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Tell those lazy sheep of mine to get busy. I've given you a vision and its their job to make it a reality.”
Ephesians 5:6 - “Let no one bore you with irrelevant and traditional church services, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of inaudacity .”
2 Timothy 3:16–17 - “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for inspiration, applause lines, self-affirmation and for training in audacity, that the man of God may be complete, equipped to change the world.”
2 Timothy 4:3–4 - “For the time is coming when people will not endure creativity and inspirational life changing relevance, but having bloggers ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers who will boringly exegete the Bible, and will turn away from listening to audacity and wander off into irrelevant church services that waste all their time worshipping the Lord and hearing God's word rather than selflessly entertaining the goats by letting the praise band rock out to the latest secular hits.”
Revelation 3:1–3 - “And to the angel of the church in (Insert Your Church's Name Here) write: ‘The words of him whose audacity inspired a global movement. “I know your works. You have the reputation for being inspirational, but you are boring and irrelevant. Get with program, and slap the Jordan, for I have found your creativity to be lackluster in the sight of God. Remember, then, Pastor Furtick's audacity which you've witnessed and heard. Strive to be like him. If you will not be audacious enough to inspire the next generation to be greater, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what hour I will come against you.”
---
Although, I can neither confirm nor deny that these excerpts were authored by Steven Furtick, one thing is certain, they sure do sound like he authored them.
What do you think?
χάρις ἔλεος εἰρήνη σοι,