The Model American President?

The Model American President:

As a history buff, I know that come presidential election time in the US everyone starts to talk about the “ideal presidential candidate” or this “Founding Father” or that other one and how they compare to the candidates of the day.  So to assist in that endeavor I have created this list of attributes based off of a historical study of our Founding American Presidents…

These are the traits you should be looking for in your next presidential candidate if you want to “make America Great – just like it used to be:”

-he must be a he (no girls allowed)

- he must be an opium addict

- he has to only have 1 of his own original teeth, when elected 

- has to own about 600 slaves at least 1 of which he regularly rapes and has several children by

- must be from Virginia

- must be a plantation owner

- must be vaguely spiritual, but definitely not an actual Christian, ideally a Deist or a Mainline Liberal – basically believes in a god (of some kind) but believes that god is all but unknowable in any factual sense

- must be bad with money

- must be incapable of deciding if he wants the majority of political power to rest with the states authority or with the federal government

- must be a lawyer

- must be for the forcible intergradation of Native Americans into the American Union

- must be against women’s right to vote   

- must be willing to only serve 2 terms

- must be pro-libraries

- must be moderately educated, but not greatly educated

- has to be willing to die on the 4^th of July

- and most important, has to be an active member of the Democratic Republican Party!!  

There you go. Now it should be easy deciding the next American President now that you know what to look for in our next American Hero.